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Back in Control

I am so pleased with myself. I did not create havoc for my conscience with my eating choices this week. Did I eat the most perfect, nutrition filled foods? No, but I was midful of what I ate; I was in control how much I ate. I simply ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. I do belive this is called normal!

One of my favorite vegetable is zuchinni. I made it yesterday and it came out so good. It can be made many ways. I made mine simple. I posted pictures and the recipe at fatbegone4good.

The Big Ship

I have started the process of turning this big ship of uncontrolled eating around and it feels good. It feels right. Uncontrolled eating does not necessarily mean stuffing your face. For me it means giving my control away & throwing a fit in the process (and usually includes gaining a pound or two...or three)!

I know I am on my way to healing and to wholeness. My journey started a long, long time ago and I have made HUGE progress. I recognize there is a problem and admit I need help. I also believe in myself. I am strong, victory IS mine. To stand your ground in the midsts of naysayers is bravery at it's finest! Just as you can always find someone to throw cold water on your progress, you can find kind hearted, caring souls to help lift and encourage you. Truly I am blessed.I received an award today called the Superior Scribbler Award! What a smile it brought to my face when I saw the post! Thank you Tiffany at Skinny Jeans! Hopefully I can post it soon. I have to wait for my computer savvy son to do all the necessary steps; I just tried adding a link and it's not showing up:( - wait, I tried again and I did it-yea! I'm still having troubling adding a link to the Superior Scribbler site. That part will have to wait for my son.

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

**Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving blogger.

**Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.

**Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.

**Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honour. http://scholastic-scribe.blogspot.com/2008/10/200-this-blings-for-you.html

**Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are the 5 blogs I've picked to pass the award on to:

The Overweight Life
The Road Curves Ahead
Watch My Butt Shrink
Let the Skinny Me Out
Big Bottom Blogger

Glad it's Monday!

I'm glad today is Monday. It is the start of a new week. The start of stopping all the excuses I've been using lately for my inconsistency. Amazing how many excuses I have in reserve for not going to the gym. I have just as many, if not more, for veering off eating in a healthy manner. Here are my top ten excuses:

Top 5 excuses for not exercising/going to the gym:
1. "It's too late to exercise"
2. "The treadmill makes too much noise" (I use this excuse ALOT when I think about getting on my treadmill at home while sitting on my butt watching t.v.)
3. "I'm too tired to get ready to go to the gym"
4. "I don't have time to stop at the gym...too many errands, too much too do."
5. "I hate my exercise clothes"

Top 5 excuses for not eating healthy:
1. "too hungry" (that's why this blog is called no brownies for lunch...my #1 downfall is not eating when I'm hungry but waiting until I'm starving. By the time I hit this point I don't care what I put in my mouth as long as it's fast; and when I allow myself to become too hungry I tend to want the fattening, sugary, empty calorie type of foods.)
2. "takes too long to measure/weigh portions"
3. "Emotions" (angry and depressed/discouraged)
4. "too costly" this isn't even true!
5. "pressure & guilt" to cook unhealthy meals or an unhealthy quantity

Well today is weigh in day: 167, yup, a one pound gain from last week. I'm ashamed to post it, but it is what it is. I won't write "I don't know what happened, I've done everything I know to do." I won't write that because it's not true. I know what I've done this past week to be rewarded with a one pound gain. I used the above top 10 excuses!

My goal this week: Swear off the excuses & remind myself that I am on a journey, a journey where the set backs only make the victories that much more sweeter!


Exercise: 45 min at gym

Hi, I'm Lucy & I'm a Binge Eater

I've always believed I had the will & determination to lose weight. I've always believed my weight problem was bigger than the food I was putting in my mouth.

Yesterday I came across information that stopped me in my tracks. When I read the things I read, I wanted to cry; I wanted to cry out of sorrow and I wanted to cry for the relief I felt. I found out yesterday that I am a binge eater.

People who have binge eating disorder (BED) often become overweight at a younger age than those without the disorder. They might also lose and gain weight more often, a process known as weight cycling or "yo-yo dieting" and be paranoid about gaining weight.

As with other eating disorders, binge eating is an "expressive disorder"-a disorder that is an expression of deeper phychological problems; this means a binge eater has trouble handling some of their emotions. For me, those emotions are anger, sadness, and depression. I never would have admitted to this 3 months ago. For one thing, I didn't know this three months ago. I just knew there were deeper issues than the wrong foods being on my plate. Now it all makes sense.

The below are "signs" of a binge eater according to WIN (Weight-control Information Network) and Wikipedia;

* Eat much more quickly than usual during a binge episode
* Eat until you are uncomfortable full
* Eat large amounts of food even when you are not even really hungry
* Eat alone because you are embarrassed about the amount of food you eat
* Feel disgusted, depressed, or guilty after overeating
* Have difficulty adhering to traditional weight-loss treatment
* Tend to act quickly without thinking (impulsive behavior)
* Tend not to feel in charge of themselves
* Are depressed or have been depressed in the past
* May binge eat after dieting (in these cases, dieting means skipping meals, not eating enough food each day, or avoiding certain kinds of food)

How to fix this, I don't know. I know I have serious work ahead of me. But I can tell you that I'm so glad to come across this information. I'm so glad I recognized myself. Reading the articles on what a binge eater is and what they go through was like looking in a mirror. The funny thing is, I know I've read about this before & I didn't see it...maybe I just wasn't ready to accept the truth.

This I know, I finally feel like I found the missing piece to the puzzle and I have hope.

Gym: 45 minutes

Stop

My daughter made this pineapple upside down cake for my husband's birthday yesterday. And yes, it tasted just as delicious as it looks. I tried putting up a fight but it was no use. I took one bit and was done for. That cake had me wrapped around it's finger!

I decided to chalk the last seven days as a bad week; seven days of bad choices. This is my first "bad week" since I started this conscience way of eating three months ago. I suppose I was due for a rebellious week, but it's over. It needs to stop....now. I need to stop. Stop what you might ask? Stop waiting for other people to jump on board with me. Stop waiting for someone to make me do this. Stop waiting for someone to care about this as much as I do. Stop waiting for someone to understand what this means to me and to offer help! O.k., I'm not proud of this, but I'm angry - again.

It's 9:40 p.m right now and I wish it were an hour earlier so I could go to the gym. It would be my way of pushing back this dark mood and would help relieve these angry feelings.

Weigh in today: 166, yup, that's a 2 pound gain in one week. I'm not really discouraged over that. What I am discouraged over is my attitutde. I need to stop.

Things Have Not Gone Well!

Bent-Over Row
Why it's a winner: The bent-over row works all the major muscles of the upper back, as well as the biceps.

How to: Stand with feet shoulder-width apart, bend knees, and flex forward at the hips, then engage the abdominals and extend spine to add support. Hold weights beneath the shoulders with hands shoulder-width apart. Flex elbows and lift both hands toward the sides of body. Pause, then slowly lower hands to the starting position.
**************************************************************************************************************************************
It's that "wonderful ladies time" of the month and I feel it everywhere! I've been especially "moody" with my husband (although he's so nice he doesn't point it out) and I have this HUGE desire to eat and eat and eat! I'm bloated (ugh), my back hurts, I'm cramping and I feel blah. The worst part? It's supposed to be nearly impossible, but I think I've gained 5 pounds in the last two days! You couldn't pay me to get on the scale right now!

So what do I do? Move on; don't stress, enjoy life and remind myself that I'm not a failure just because I've had a few bad days. I know I'm better then that, I know how far I've come and I know this too shall pass. I control the light switch at the end of the tunnel. I have the power to stay in a funk or smile, get happy and enjoy life. I am fortunate to have wonderful people in my life who love & accept me just as I am. Things may not have gone well this week, but life is still good!

Cheetos & Pizza

Breakfast: whopper jr and large handful of cheetos (the crunchy kind)
Snack 1: oatmeal
Snack 2: yogurt
Lunch: 1/2 personal pan pizza & 3 breadsticks
Snack: 5 sugar cookies
Dinner: 2 eggs & 1 corn tortilla

Today I threw "healthy" out the window (as if you couldn't tell!). For the past 3 days I have been battling these massive cravings....and I'm not winning. It's been horrible.

20 minutes on my treadmill at home and spent 40 minutes at the gym.

How is This Happening?

Well today was weigh in day. I just knew I was going to see a +1 on the scale from last week. Can you believe I didn't! I actually have a loss! Don't ask me how this is happening. Doesn't seem right. I am 2, no, 1 pound away from a 15 pound loss!! Now this is motivation. It comes at the perfect time because I've been battling to stay motivated the last couple of weeks. Oh happy day!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday like I wanted but I did jump on my treadmill last night for 30 minutes and boy did it feel good! It was my first time on a treadmill in 3 weeks (since the tendonitis incident). It's still not fully recovered. I made sure I was careful. Depending on my husband's work schedule, I'm hoping to get to the gym tonight!

MY EATS FOR THE DAY
BREAKFAST:low carb cinnamon bagel (19 grams fiber/9 grams protein). These things are soooo good w/a sliver of peanut butter and some quality sugar free preserves.

SNACK: bowl of oatmeal

LUNCH: chicken pablano (pictured above) w/a half bagel and a Natural Oven's cookie

DINNER: 3oz pork in stock,veggies and 1/2 grain muffin (pictured below)

DESSERT: orange sherbet cone

Happy Halloween

I fear the holiday season is not going to be nice to my waistline! Too much candy left over from Halloween and I can't stop eating the Baby Ruths (chocolate does not raise my sugar). I will be pleased if I maintain the 13 pounds I've lost so far. I will be one happy lady if, on Monday when I step on the scale, I see the number 165 which would mean no gain. It would also mean no loss, but that's o.k...for now.

Didn't make it to the gym this morning; I do plan on going tomorrow morning. Eating hasn't been bad (except for the Baby Ruths)and my glucose has been right on (smile, smile). All in all, not too shabby.

What's Going On?

In 2007 the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Heart Association issued new guidelines stating that "to lose weight ... 60 to 90 minutes of physical activity may be necessary." You know, I don't think I believe this.

I injured myself on Saturday, October 17th. I remember waking up early, anxious to get to the gym because I hadn't been there in 5 days and was ashamed to write about it! I put my work out shoes & clothes on, grabbed the keys and was about to walk out the door when....my wonderful husband of 18 years woke up. We ended up spending time together, planning our day and instead of hitting the gym, we went shopping! Later that day, my right foot starting producing a pain whenever I stepped forward. It got to the point I couldn't walk properly. I had to shift my weight toward my heel and outer part of the foot. Needless to say I couldn't go to the gym in that condition. By Saturday night it was confirmed; I had tendonitis and it would take a couple weeks for complete heeling.

The first week of tendonitis I had a private pity party. Just my luck, here I am finally getting serious about weight loss and I injure myself. When I stood on that scale yesterday morning for my weigh in, I was totally expecting to see a gain. After all, I hadn't been to the gym for 2 week. So what happened? The scale showed a 3 pound loss! I stop exercising and in 1 week lose 3 pounds - huh, what's going on?

This of course threw my brain into a tizzy so I read. I read so much my brain hurt! A couple of things made sense to me, here's one; Exercise increases your appetite which means you'll eat more, sometimes lots more. That's fine if you are diciplined enough to grab fish, veggies and fruit for that "more" instead of burgers, chips, pizza, etc.! I am not. By keeping a food journal I've been able to compare the first week I started this "No Brownie" way of eating (I didn't exercise) verses the other weeks when I incorporated exercise. What did I find? The week I didn't exercise I ate less and was satisfied. On the days & weeks I vigorously exercised I constantly battled hunger & was never satisfied...hmmm.

Bottom Line #1: Research and find what works for you. Give yourself time to see how exercise affect your body and fat loss. You may find you need to exercise at a less intensity level to recieve the outcome you're looking for. For me, it seems the why, where and what I'm eating should be a higher priority than the intensity & frequency of my workouts (for now anyway-will that change? Maybe, we'll see).

Bottom Line #2: I'm convinced protein makes a HUGE difference in keeping sugar level intact throughout the day, which for me is key to losing weight; quality protein and cutting waaaay back on the sugary carbs seems to be what my "diet" needs to be about.

Well That's Wierd!

This morning I walked into the office to take my weekly weigh in. I knew I would see a 2-4 pound gain so I prepared myself with these words: "Self, you are committed for the long haul no matter what, remember the number on the scale does not represent everything. It's just a minor setback, you can and you will do this." So, I took a deep breath and up on the scale I went; first one foot, then the other. I waited, expecting to see either 171 or 172. The number stopped at 165, wait, What! That's a 3 pound loss from last week! Nah, that can't be. I got off the scale, took a deep breath and stood back on. I waited...again the scale read 165. Can you believe it!

Again and Again and Finally Forever!

My Mother made homemade tortillas twice a day. I remember when I was young, for breakfast I would grab a freshly made tortilla, slather butter on top, roll it up and shove the whole thing in my mouth as I headed out the door for school . As I walked to the bus stop I would start planning my diet for the day. I would vow to eat only half my school lunch and no dinner that night. Sometimes I was able to follow through on the lunch but I never made good on my vow for dinner. I would be so hungry by dinner time, or "supper" as we used to call it, that, after smelling my Mother's homemade tortilla's, I knew I was doomed....again. So I would eat and plan my diet for the next day....again.

I'm now 40 years old and the days of waking up to my Mother's freshly made tortillas are long gone. Unfortunately the habit of starting a diet in the morning only to quit by dinnertime still lives.

2 months ago I decided to start a new way of eating, not "again" but for forever. It's been pretty slow and I know I need to step it up (My case of tendonitis is finally at a point that I can return to the gym-yea!!). I've been pretty relaxed in my eating this week and dread getting on the scale. At this point I'll be happy if I haven't gained!

Here are the commandments I have been living by (most of the time):

• Thou shalt not allow thyself to become so hungry as to not care what thine eats.



• Thou shalt not douse pasta with loads of butter , cheese & creamy, fattening sauces.



• Thou shalt substitute chicken breast for rib eye steak and ground turkey & chicken for high fat ground beef.



• Thou shalt stop guessing what a serving size is and use measuring utensils.



• Thou shalt incorporate veggies and fruit into thy daily diet (no, fruit pies do not count).



• Thou shalt stop making excuses for not exercising.



• Thou shalt not fill thy kitchen pantry with potatoe chips and all manner of sugary snacks.



• Thou shalt drink water and learn to recognize thirst, which can mimic hunger.



• Thou shalt not eat when angry at thine husband (or bored, loney, sad).



• Thou shalt educate thyself on all aspects of healthy eating.



• THOU SHALL NOT QUIT!

O.k. why am I sitting here watching some program about eating competitions! Gross! Why do I say gross? Because 90% of these folks are skinny as a a beanpole! Not fair.

The Long Haul

Just finished watching the taping of "The Biggest Loser." I know some folks don't care for the show, but I like it. The people on the show can't fake their struggle; it's real, or the the joy they experience when they've overcome a personal obstacle. When I hear these people voice their insecurities, what they feel, what they're afraid of, and what their dreams are, I can't help but be touched and encouraged to continue on my journey. I watch the show and think "If they can do it, I can do it."

Well, I've been stuck at home this week with tendonitis. It's going well. My husband makes sure I ice my foot on a regular basis and I've been wearing arch supports in my shoes. My eating,i.e. diet, could benefit from some improvement, but overall I'm pleased with the changes I'm making (notice I wrote "making" not made!). I've definitely cut down on red meat, fast food, butter and 2nd helpings. I've also switched to wheat bread, flour and pasta. I've learned to appreciate the nuttiness of brown rice and I don't eat late at night like I used to. And yet the scale barely moves! It's alright, my eye is on the prize; I'm in this for the long haul.

Tendonitis

First, the good news. Yesterday afternoon I had a doctor's appointment (I hadn't seen her in 3 months). I walked into her office and the first thing she said was, "Wow Lucy, you look great." That remark came at a crucial time because I'm sick of how slow this fat is shrinking off my body! I know insulin plays a part in how the body uses stored energy,aka: fat. I've been paying close attention to my glucose so my insulin level is constantly in balance and what do I get for a reward? One pound up on the scale! God Almighty! Losing weight sounds so easy on paper..."All you need to do is burn more calories than you take in." Ya, o.k., whatever!

I hold alot of my fat cells in my tummy area. Just today my daughter says "Hey Mom, you look skinny, like you lost some more weight...at least in your legs, you know, in the bottom part!" Thanks Whitney (said sarcastically). Can anyone spell Muffintop!

Now the bad news, I have to give up my HIIT sessions on the treadmill for a couple weeks because I'm dealing with a case of tendonitis. I knew my new shoes didn't feel quite right on my right foot (that was a wierd sentence). I've never had a foot injury because of exercise; I guess my body is accepting I'm not as young as I used to be better than my mind.

Today is day 3 of my tendonitis saga and I have to say it feels lots better. My husband has forbidden me to go to the gym but maybe I can twist his arm and he'll allow me to go tomorrow morning. I won't do the treadmill, but there are other machines I can do. I can feel myself getting lazy and it feels yucky!

Oh, weighed in today...168. Geez-a-nee! I feel like a fat pig.

A Little Nibble Here...A Little Nibble There

I know how I would feel the morning after being unfaithful to my husband; disgusting, gross and sick to my stomach! I would want to throw up in hopes of making the whole thing dissappear.

Last night I was unfaithful. And let me just say "This didn't just happen." I admit I had been flirting with the enemy; a little nibble here, a little nibble there, "just a little taste" of this and "just a little taste" of that. I let my guard down, gave into temptation and I fell. Yes, I could point my finger and say "It's his fault! he prevented me from going to the gym, he coerced me into eating french fries and he forced me to visit the chocolate cake over and over". But the truth is I had plenty of opportunity to hit the gym, I'm the one who suggested french fries and I brought the chocolate cake into the house. This has NOT been the best of weekends....

Recap of Friday's eating: I couldn't even guess how many calories I had. Friday afternoon included a barbeque at work. I did pretty well until the ice cream pie came out! O.k., probably a little too many tortilla chips (sooo salty, soooo good), but still, not bad. Friday night came and so did the deep dish pizza from Pizza Hut. Why did I have 2 slices? Why?

Recap of Saturday's eating: I felt forced to eat more than I should have. The pressure came from myself, no one else. At night my daughter and I went to Walmart and I bought a magazine with some great tips. One article was explaining that it's not the end of the world if you fall off your new way of eating. Her advice... brush yourself off and get back on. Did I do it? Nooooo. We went home, watched our tapped recording of "Ugly Betty" and ate another piece of choco cake (I think that was my 4th piece of the day) and nachos with lots of tortilla and pringle chips.

Woke up this morning feeling like crap. I jumped on my scale and it read 165. Ya right-thing must be broken. I'll be writing down my calories for the day ( I need to be accountable).

Breakfast:(glucose was 99-a BIG Ya-Hoo!!)
Fiber/Protein rich Kashi cereal -115
Hood Fat Free Milk (low carb & delish) - 30

Lunch: (glucose 89)
Josepsh whole pita - 60
3 oz grilled chicken breast - 90
1 oz mozz cheese - 80
1 T low fat/low cal ranch dressing - 20
1 Nature's Best cookie - 120

Snack:
serving mixed vegies - 60
1 oz turkey sausage - 45

Dinner:
Nature's Best Bagel - 150
1/4 C spaghetti sauce - 40
1 oz Italian mix cheese - 80
1 T bacon bit - 20

Snack:
bag mini popcorn - 100
cone (orange sherbert) - 115

Total Calories for Sunday: 1140

Easy Bagel Pizza's: 290 Calories (for both halves)Chicken Pita Wrap: 250 Calories
Orange Cone Sherbert: 125 Calories

Kashi

This cereal is so good! I first tried it about a week ago. It gives two serving sizes. The smaller is 110 calories and the larger is 140. I eat the 110 serving with skim milk, low carb milk or almond milk (I can't stand soy milk). Topped with one pack of equal and enjoy! So good and so good for you.

I didn't feel like cooking tonight so dinner was a frozen pasta dish by Kashi: Chicken Pasta Pomodoro. The dish consisted of 280 calories, 6 grams of fiber, and 19 grams of protein. Flavor was good,not great, but good. I would definitely buy it again. I must say all frozen pasta dishes tend to taste alike after awhile...but, better than a hamburger and fries!

Calories for today: 1,450
No Exercise:(

Viva La Protein!

I have a victory! For the last three days I have kept my glucose under control. After what happened Saturday, I knew it was time to take things seriously. I went looking for material to read and picked up a book called "The Zone." Why did I pick up this book? Because the book cover says "Balance Your Hormone and Insuline Levels." If there is one thing I've learned since taking on the challenge of losing fat, it's this: You need to educate yourself! I believe we can lose weight through education and putting into practice what is learned. Of course we also need to stop the 3rd helpings, the midnight eating, and grabbing breakfast, lunch, & dinner at the fast food joint (where they know you by first name!). It's not enough to know "3,500 calories equal a pound" or "exercise 30 minutes every day and you'll lose weight." Education is a powerful tool. Education can set your mind free. I know by informing myself I have made my will stronger, I have strengthen my determination and I have armed myself against false ideas regarding weight loss.

When I was first diagnosed with diabetes my sugar level was around 400 (that was a couple of hours AFTER a meal!). My doctor put me on 2 different kinds of medication and instructed me to eat NO carbs...none. I thought, no problem, I've been on the low carb (Adkins) diet before; piece of cake. The amazing thing is, I gained weight like crazy. Six pounds in one week! Yikes! I eventually got my numbers under control and was serious about it for awhile, but you know how that goes. Now it's like a teeter-totter...sometimes way up, sometimes way down and sometimes normal. There are times I eat a meal high in carbs (sugar) and I won't check my glucose because I don't want to know how high it is...I believe that's called "burying your head in the sand" which translate: refusing to think about an unpleasant situation in hopes that it will improve so that you will not have to deal with it - to ignore or hide from obvious danger. Saturday at Goodwil; having to ask strangers for help, changed all that.

I have two choices: get serious and learn to control this beast for good or I can let it continue to control & in the process, kill me. I choose option number one. I firmly believe, unless my pancreas (gland in the body that secretes insulin) konks out on me, I can control my diabetes with diet and exercise.

The last three days I have been eating more high protein foods with my meals. For example the potato you see in the picture. I topped it with protein rich turkey chili, mozzarella and 1 tablespoon of bacon bits; calories came to 290. I also added a protein drink made with almond milk for another 175 calories. Total calories for the meal came to 465. A bit on the high side but I wasn't hungry for another 4-5 hours. My sugar before the meal was 103 and afterwards, 88!

And yesterday? My morning reading was 101! Wow! That was before breakfast. For breakfast I had a protein shake (175), fiber rich english muffin (100), ready cooked bacon (70) and mozzerella cheese (70). My glucose reading an hour or so afterwards? 105! Incredible. Again, I was not hungry for 4-5 hours!
I think making protein an important part of my meal is critical for controlling my insulin.

P.S.; Monday I went to the gym in the morning and in the evening with my husband. Once I completed my HIIT (high intensity interval training)for 30 minutes, my husband helped me perform my very first set of bench presses!

Diabetes & Goodwill

Yesterday marked 2 months since I started this journey. I thought a good way to mark the occasion would be to post a before & after picture. The first picture was at 178 pounds and the next was taken 2 months later at 167 pounds. Nothing dramatic...yet. I look at the pictures & think "Slow results will not stop me from pursuing my goal." Someone please remind me of this when I falter in my mission!

I had a not so good thing happen this weekend. After working out Saturday morning I went shopping at a local Goodwill. After an hour of scavenging for deals, I found myself slightly shaking and starting to sweat. As I looked around everything seemed a bit surreal. I knew what was happening. My glucose was dropping. I did not have my meter to check my glucose level. Even if I did, I was not prepared. I had no candy or glucose tablets in my purse. I asked a worker if there was a candy or soda vending machine near by. She asked what was wrong and I answered, "I am diabetic and I think my sugar is too low." She quickly told another worker who went and brought me a poptart and water. I felt so foolish. So there I sat. In a dressing room eating my poptart, telling myself everything was o.k; to breathe and calm down. And you know what the horrid thing was? I kept thinking "Great, this poptart is going to ruin my calorie intake for today." Silly huh?

I haven't been taking care of my diabetes. I have a hard time accepting that, #1, it is a disease, #2, it can kill, #3, I have it. Maybe it's not a coincidence that this past Friday my boss told me about his nephew John (not his real name). Eleven days ago John was hospitalized for complications due to diabetes. He didn't know he had the disease so he never took care of it. By not taking care of the diabetes, John has done irreversible damage to his organs. He is scheduled to stay in the hospital for at least another 5 days. Hopefully he will then be released.

Is this my wake up call? I saw what my Mother went through. Heart disease, high blood pressure, dialysis several times a week, severe depression and amputation of her right leg. Oh God what am I waiting for? Do I think I am immune?

One Push Up!

Today I did something I've never done before...ever. I did a push-up! A real push-up, not the girlie style, a real one! When I pushed myself up I starting laughing. I started laughing because I couldn't believe I did it! Where will I be 1 year from now? The possibilities are endless!

I'm up from 3 lunges to 6-yea and I performed HIIT on my treadmill at home. 160 calories burned in less than 30 minutes-wow! For me that is fantastic. I also made a video to post on the blog (maybe even UTube, Yikes!) but I chickened out.

Confession time: I'm a bit embarassed that I've only lost 10 pounds AND I lost those in the first few weeks of getting into this. So, in reality, I've maintained for the past 4wks. I told my oldest son tonight if this was a "diet" I would be very discourage and would give up. I have written this in the past and I mean it; This is not a "diet" as we know the word "diet" to mean....it is a way of life, it really is. So what if it takes me 6-9 months to lose this unwanted fat? As long as the scale moves in the right direction (DOWN!), I'll be alright. I did one REAL push up tonight. Pretty good Lucy!

Smile2DayTears2Morro

I found a woman on UTube that is absolutely amazing. She posted quite a few video's showing her weight loss. You can find it at:

(you'll have to copy & paste)
http://www.youtube.com/user/Smile2DayTears2Morro

Talk about honesty! She posted some pictures that show what she looked like before, during and after. Very personal. I don't know if I could do what she did (the photos). Then again, why couldn't I? Who am I trying to impress? The answer to that question should be no one but is it?...that's a whole other blog!

Watch her videos; she will inspire you.

Well What Do You Know!

And here I thought the scale was broken! It hadn't moved in 3 weeks! Wait, I take that back, it had moved...up 1 pound! This morning I FINALLY hit 167...the lowest so far-yea!! In five days I will be 2 months into my journey. I swear I'm going to throw myself a party when I hit 160. Even though it's "only" 7 pounds away, it feels very, very far.

Well I performed my first day of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) on my treadmill...wow, pretty intense. I loved it. I also tried out a couple sets of squats, lunges, mountain climbers, push-ups (girlie style), and jumping jacks. Kicked my butt! Those exercise may look easy-they're NOT.

I didn't go to the gym today, instead, worked out at home and used my dusty treadmill. I do plan to go tomorrow. I won't shoot for the hour, I don't think it's needed. Anyhoo-wish I could write more. It feels so good to be motivated! but alas, I am sleepy.

High Intensity Interval Training

I am not looking forward to the gym tomorrow morning because I know the scale is waiting for me. Last Monday it screamed 169 lbs (same as the week before) and I would bet the life of my youngest child it is going to be the same tomorrow. I've been thoroughly frustrated because I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. Not frustrated enough to quit, but frustrated enough to ignore the needs of my family and stay up way to late for the purpose of searching the web, books, and anything else I can get my hands on for answers.

I wrote that I've been reading on strength training and I really am stoked about what I've been learning. I've stumbled across a bit of material on high intensity interval training (HIIT). I'd never heard of it before but it makes sense to me. Here's Wikipedia's definition of HIIT (in a nutshell):

High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT):exercise strategy intended to improve performance with short training sessions. HIIT is a form of cardio beneficial to burning fat in a short and intense workout. Usual HIIT sessions may vary from 15–30 minutes.

A HIIT session consists of a warm up period of exercise, followed by six to ten repetitions of high intensity exercise, separated by medium intensity exercise, and ending with a period of cool down exercise. The high intensity exercise should be done at near maximum intensity. The medium exercise should be about half-maximum intensity. The number of repetitions and length of each depends on the exercise. The goal is to do at least six cycles, and to have the entire HIIT session last at least fifteen minutes and not more than twenty.

It can all sound a bit intimiating and confusing. I am happy to write I found some great videos on UTube demonstrating how to perform these exercises. There's a few video's you can easily click & check out here in the sidebar. There's also different video's under "Links" on the right side of this blog labled UTube Video: HIIT 1, HITT 2, and HIIT 3. I have to say the heart of Lucy is motivated! I'm definitely going to give it a try. My fingers are crossed, wish me Luck!

3 Sets of 15 Reps-Yes!

This morning I spent an hour at the gym. I completed 40 minutes combined on warming up, the treadmill and cooling down; the rest of the time I worked with weights (machines and free). I'm really liking the feel of the free weights and would like to learn how to use them properly. When I walked away from the gym, I walked away feeling pretty pumped; I was able to do 3 sets of 15 reps with 10 lb dumbells and when I first started I could only do 1 set of 12 reps with the 10 lb. I also picked up the 12 lb dumbells to see if I could do anything with it and quickly found the only thing I could do was put it down! Definitely not ready for that.

I've been doing quite a bit of reading on muscle & strength training. I remember a long time ago, it's been about 20 years, during one of many attempts at weight loss, I read a story. The story was about a lady who weighed 140 pounds. She was not fat but flabby. She started lifting weights to build her muscle mass and improve her overall body tone. I don't remember how long it took to accomplish her goals, but I do remember her "after" picture. I'll never forget it. She had on a black leotard and was posing; flexing her muscles. She looked fantastic! No, she didn't look like a man, all buff n' gross like Arnold Schwarzenegger. She looked great; healthy and toned.

The caption on the bottom of the photo had her finish weight: 140 pounds! Yup, she weighed the same as she did before she started lifting. That photo made such an impression on me. So today I went to the library looking for some weight lifing books. I didn't find exactly what I wanted but was able to pick out three books that looked interesting. One book was on firming up with light weights, another on energizing, and one on some kind of exercise called the "T-Tapp" (whatever that is-I picked it up because of the dramatic before and after pictures).

Well, according to the scale this morning (yes I got on it again), I will probably be the same weigth Monday morning as I was last Monday. No Change. Not on the scale at least. In other areas...yes, absolutely.

Does Practice Always Make Perfect?

I've been thinking about that famous phrase "Practice Makes Perfect." Where did that phrase come from and is it always true? I have read so many stories of people who have lost huge amounts of weight, and after all they've been through, all the practice they've had, still struggle with their weight. Shouldn't the plan of staying fit & healthy be perfect after all the "practice" saying no to cheesecake, cookies, and extra helpings? When does portion control, calorie counting & measuring (without the gadgets) become the norm? I'm thinking, after losing 100 pounds, exercise & eating healthy would be second nature? So what gives? Why do the writings of these women who have shed 100+ pounds sound as if they still have 100 lbs to lose. What's wrong with our brain that we still struggle with weight and diet even after conquering? Maybe there never is a real conquering. How can this be?

Am I throwing stones at these folks? Absolutely not! Any person who is willing to face their demons and fight is someone to be admired. But I refuse to believe that after all the practice of portion control, calorie counting, i.e; eating healthy, that there is no perfecting, no final victory. I have to know there is an end in sight. Because this bothers me so, I have educated myself on the word "practice".

The phrase "Practice Makes Perfect" has been traced back to the 1550's-1560's, when its form was "Use Makes Perfect." The phrase was first attested in the United Stated in "Diary and Autobiography of John Adams" (1761). Wikipedia defines the word practice as the act of rehearsing a behavior over and over, again and again, for the purpose of improving or mastering it. It is a method of learning and of acquiring experience. Practice is merely the reinforcement of actions that serves to generate an outcome.

Frequency is one factor on how well one improves with practice. If you do not practice often enough, reinforcement fades and you will likely forget what was learned.

Here's the bottom line for me: If I'm going to give my time, money, and emotions over to losing weight, getting fit, etc., my aim needs to be perfecting what I learn along this journey. How frustrating to get to the end and find the end is the same as the beginning! Nope, can't do it.

Foul Mood

o.k-I'm tired. I am in a foul mood. I started that wonderful time of the month. Actually I haven't started yet but I'm going to. I feel like I've gained 5 pounds and my attitude about this whole losing weight, getting healthy endeavor just really sucks right now. Maybe I'm getting sick, my tummy doesn't feel too great and my back & head is hurting. I think I"ll just stop complaining and go to bed.

No gym this morning-I hope to reach my goal of 45 minutes tomorrow morning. Calories for the day: way too many! Better tomorrow, better tomorrow.

Still the Same: 169 lbs

How did this weekend go? Well, my husband took me out to breakfast yesterday morning for pancakes and later he barbequed skirt steak for the football game (need I say more?).

I got on the scale for my weekly weigh-in...169, same as last Monday. That's o.k considering the snowballs, pancakes and other goodies I won't mention! My husband thinks I look great and my teenage daughter threw me a compliment when she said, "Wow Mom I can see your jawline."

I won't lie, the 169 does bother me a bit. I have to put my impatience in check or I will get out of whack. Diet pills and quick loss tricks can start to look tempting when the scale doesn't move. However, I refuse to go down that route. I like what I'm doing. I'm learning about myself, how my body works and I'm strengthening my muscles. I do occasionally have either cheetos, snowballs or twinkies but what better way to practice "moderation"? And honestly I can't imagine life without those three things. You can keep the chocolate, just give me my cheetos, snowballs and twinkies and no one will get hurt.

45 minutes at the gym (yahoo!)- 35 minutes at home on the treadmill = 1hr 20 min (smile,smile:) Approx 1,300 calories today. Not bad, not bad at all.

Workout Clothes

This morning I reached my goal of one hour at the gym ! And I ran a mile. Afterwards I went looking for some better workout clothes. So far I've been wearing loose fitting jogging pants and tee shirts that are way too big. That's what I have been wearing because it's what's comfortable, plus, I can hide my unhealthiness, a.k.a: fat! I'm happy to say they are no longer comfortable. All the extra fabric feels like a hinderence. While I was jogging I felt like taking off the tee shirt! So much material. I also need a good sports bra.

The fact that I'm willing to wear close fitting workout clothes...in FRONT OF PEOPLE...is a milestone of the change that is taking place. I'm still overweight & out of shape but I don't feel the shame I felt a month ago about it. I know I'm doing something to change. I have a plan. It may not be the perfect plan, but I have one AND I've been as faithful as I can be for last 48 days-booya! Have I fallen, sure, have I wanted to quit...of course. I'm sure those things will happen again. When they do I will read my blog, I will read other folk's blog and I will encourage myself.

Another Day

Just when you think you're doing "o.k" you see photos. Ugh! That's what I did today, I looked at photos I took 45 days ago of myself. I wanted to see a change in my appearance from when I first started counting calories. I do see a difference in my face; nothing to write home about, but there is a difference. What I did see is how far I have to go (sigh). BUT, I do believe I'll get there as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other...no matter what.

This morning at the gym was my best morning ever. I feel an increase in my endurance level. I didn't tire as quickly (smile) and wanted to go a bit longer than normal (yea!). I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning's workout. My goal is an hour. So far I don't think I've gone past 45 minutes; and that was maybe 2 or 3x's since I started going to the gym a month ago. Usually it's 30-35 minutes and I'm done.

I didn't do bad in the calorie section either (definitely better than yesterday!). I made some mashed potatoes with yukon pototoes, light butter, & skim milk. As I ate them I thought, "these cannot only be 125 calories." Very good, very satisfying.

Snowballs

I love snowballs. Although I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, I do love chocolate w/coconut! In my welcome words to the right I state my motto as the following: I will not allow myself to become so hungry that I'll put anything edible into my mouth,i.e: brownies, cookies, chips, anything fattening or unhealthy. Well, somebody hand me a big spoon for the big bowl of crow I'm about to eat!

I knew I was getting hungry and should eat a small snack. However, it was right before lunch and I didn't want the "extra" calories. Surely I could wait 45 minutes until I got home couldn't I?

I didn't make it home. I stopped by the grocery store and bought snowballs. I ate one (not so bad) and put the other away in the glove compartment (for later). As you might have guessed, later happened sooner, much sooner. Before I even turned the car on, I took the 2nd snowball out of the glove compartment and with my mind screaming "no, don't do it, no, don't do it!!!!!!" I ate the 2nd one.

NOW it was time for lunch. That didn't go well either. I won't go into the gory (unpleasant & disagreeable) details. I'll just say this: more crow please.

The good thing: If you put 2 T of nacho cheese sauce on the bottom of a flat bottom bowl, pour 1/2 mini bag of popcorn (already popped)...mmmm good. You could use plain ol' tortilla chips but you'll get 10-13 chips verses 1/2 bag (or the whole bag) of popcorn to scoop the cheese with - Very Satisfying!

Hitting the gym in the morning. Calories for the day: I'm hoping under 2,000!

We Fight Until We Win

Can I be honest? Losing this fat is a struggle and I really don't want anyone knowing about it, about the the struggles. You can appear weak when people see your struggles. However, at the same time I do want people to know about my struggles because only then can I get the help & support I need. And I'm finding I require this support more & more everyday.

Last night I didn't go to sleep after I finished writing. I looked up weight loss blogs and found a website that is easy to read & simple to navigate through. It's called "Fitago." I joined the website for this reason: whether a person needs to lose 100 pounds or 40 pounds (like myself), we all share the same struggles and we can help each other.

P.S. Watched a "Throwdown with Bobbie Flay" episode tonight and the person who lost said this at the end, "WE FIGHT UNTIL WE WIN." I like that, I like that alot.

40 minutes at the gym: 1,660 Calories

Hungry

Tried a new recipe today. I will definitely make it again but with some changes. What I want right now is something sweet, sweet & rich! And what just happens to be on top of my fridge calling to me, beckoning to me...leftover chocolate cake from Sunday. I WILL NOT EAT IT! I won't. I will find a substitute. Actually, I don't need to eat anything right now, it's 8:44 pm. Oh but my tummy is making noises...hungry. Or maybe I'm thirsty.

There, 8oz of skim milk should do it. I think I'll get ready for bed. I've already changed into my sleep ware, which is my workout clothes (makes it easier in the early morning). I've read something about getting a good night's sleep helping weight loss. I wonder if there's any truth to that. I'd look into it but I'm going to hit the sack now. I hate going to the gym sleepy.

1,300 Calories for the day.

Don't Let the Scale "Weigh" You Down

This past week I have seen the scale go from 168 (Mon), to 166 (Wed), 171 (Sun), and now 169. Yesterday when I saw the 171 I thought "there you go,another one bites the dust. I'll start again (new diet) tomorrow because I have failed-again." But you know what? There is nothing to start over. I am not on a diet.

Earlier today I read an article that helped cement my resolve to not let the scale "weigh" me down. The article, "Why the Scale Lies" listed 3 reasons you cannot rely on the scale as a measure of success. They are: 1) water retention 2) glycogen storage, and 3) changes in lean body mass. Because of these three things, it's NORMAL to experience weight shifts of up to 2 pounds a day with NO CHANGES IN YOUR CALORIE OR ACTIVITY LEVEL.

Now this is what you call "Good News!" I can handle fluctuations if I have an idea what is going on. At least I think I can.

What I have learned: THE SCALE CAN BE MISLEADING & DISCOURAGE YOU WHEN YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING GREAT. (40 min at the gym/1,230 calories)

Chocolate Cake

I won't be surprised to see that I haven't lost one pound this week. We went to bed last night around 2:30 am (so no gym this morning) and today is my daughter's birthday. What did she ask for? Homemade blueberry pancakes; we also had bacon, chorizo n' eggs & tortillas. Aren't I supposed to be watching my calorie intake???? She also wants chinese food for lunch and of course we have to make a cake; a gooey, moist chocolate cake. I did tell you my husband brought doughnuts home the other night, right? Oh what is a woman to do?

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow I won't feel the pressure to eat the pancakes, bacon, chinese food, etc. So what am I saying? I have no control? Why am I letting my family wimp me out? Why am I giving in? Why can't I say no? Could this be the reason I feel a bit frustrated at everything; i.e., housework, because I feel I 'm being made to do things I don't want to? But are they really making me? Whose holding the fork? You know the sad thing is I'm not hungry for these things; I have no craving, it's just there.

I know what I need to do. I need to gather myself, put my shoes on and drive 3 minutes to the gym. I can do this.

Well, it's now about 4 hours after I wrote the above. I did go to the gym (husband went with me) for 35 minutes. Then I came home, ate a large piece of chocolate cake and some chinese food. I feel like, after taking 10 steps forward the last 40 days, I have just taken 5 steps back! I did learn something today: I can't always have my cake & eat it too.

Tummy Ache

Woke up this morning with a tummy ache. I'm sure it's because of that honey bun from last night. My tummy also ached this afternoon after I ate a chili cheese dog.... I think my body is trying to tell me something.

Well, just wanted to say a bit about my day before heading out with my husband to the movies; going to watch "The Informant!"

Maniac

Have I mentioned how much I love Goodwill. Not the "goodwill toward all men" kind. I"m talking about the Goodwill secondhand store. I love it. Yesterday I bought 4 pairs of shoes (all brand new!) and 2 pair of jeans for my four year old. Today I bought 2 pair of boots (again, brand spanking new!)for $7.00 each, wow!, AND a Wilson orange leather jacket...NICE, but it doesn't fit me...yet:) Well the thinness of my wallet is telling me to lay off the Goodwill for a while. Oh but it feels so good to buy a size smaller piece of clothing than you're used to!!!!

So, I'm in the dressing room, my basket is filled to overflowing with clothes to try on; one size smaller than a month ago-yahoo!, and the the song "Maniac" is coming on.."she's a maniac, maniac on the floor (of the Goodwill),and she's shopping like she's never shopped before. Maniac, maniac..." Very fitting. That's me in a Goodwill store: Maniac.

Not the greatest in the eating department today. I want to blame it on my family. My husband wanted deep fried chicken strips and my daughter wanted doughnuts! Ack! So why can't I blame them? I have the power to make choices. I do.

We were running over an hour late this morning so I couldn't go to the gym. But I did tonight (yea!!). Felt so good. My glucose was low when I went in (92). I ate a hard candy to help bring it up a bit. I had to be careful not to exert myself while I worked out.

10 minutes on the stationary bike and 30 minutes on weight machines. Felt great afterwards.

Perseverance

Perseverance: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I have been reading the blogs of other women who have or who are struggling to lose weight. My heart goes out to these women I don't know, to these strangers who really are not strangers at all. I read these blogs and I cry. I cry for these women because I feel what they feel. I cry because of their pain and because of their victories. I cry because I am not alone & I am encouraged. What I am doing; the calorie counting, the writing down of EVERYTHING I eat, the measuring and weighing...they do this too. I'm not an alien or a freak for taking the measure I'm taking to lose this fat; this barrier in my life. I have found a group of like minded women and I belong. I belong to this group of brave & persevering women.

Tonight I am dining out with my husband at a work related function. There will be no calorie counting as I don't know what they will be serving. But I am not afraid because I am not alone. I am encouraged. I am brave.

Fat Cells

So much information on the internet concerning weight loss. I've posted bits of an article I read at www.calorilab.com concerning fat cells. Very Interesting.

Fat Cells are Created When We Gain Weight
Scientists once thought we could only grow new fat cells during certain stages of life, such as the first year and puberty. Now it seems we can create them as adults, too. If you’ve gained a lot of weight as an adult, you may have added to your store of fat cells. That makes it harder to lose weight because, once they’ve taken up residence in your body, fat cells NEVER GO AWAY.

When a fat cell grows to about three times its normal size, it can divide and make new fat cells. How much fat a cell can handle before it divides varies from person to person. You can shrink the size of your fat cells but you can’t shrink the number.

If you have more than your fair share of fat cells it’s going to be more of an uphill battle for you to lose weight than for someone with fewer fat cells. That’s just how things work, but nothings impossible.

Wow. Not very encouraging is it? (Is it just me or do you feel like grabbing a big bag of cheetos to drown your sorrows in?) What this articles confirms is that I AM in a real fight. The fat cells are real & they have taken up residence in my body. I am their host (shudder!). I cannot just knock on their door and say "Um, excuse me, but I'd like you to leave now." If I have no confidence of winning this fight I might as well hang it up now.

35 minutes at the gym this morning. Approximately 1,400 calories. I'm alright.

The Lifejacket

I've mentioned that I tend to get angry and throw fits. I throw fits when things don't go my way, when I don't get what I want and when I feel constrained or hindered. (god I can't believe all the "uglies" that are coming out on this journey to the skinny side!). This morning I was talking to a friend and she asked what was making me angry. What is making me angry is not that I can't eat a whole pizza, a gallon of ice cream & a whole chocolate cake without gaining weight, it's not the food. What's making me angry is that there are rules I have to follow to lose weight; rules and restrictions.

Definition of "restrict": to keep or confine within limits, curb, restrain, subject to bounds. The Synonym of "restrict": officially forbid, suppress, keep back, and shackle...shackle?? Yes, shackle! (Is there anything more horrible than knowing the word "shackle" can be linked to the word "diet".)

I thank God for friends. Friends that will give you advice when you don't ask for it & when you don't want it! Friends that see you drowning, thrashing around (even though sometimes you're only in ankle high waters) and throw you a lifejacket.

My friend told me a bit about her own experience. Not only did she lose over 80 pounds, she quit smoking at the same time! What did she do when she got mad at what she was going through? She directed her emotions into something productive...she planted a garden, she planted trees in her yard (what a beautiful, large forest of a garden she now has!). Every time defeat & hopelessness raised their ugly head & tried to smother her progress and her determination, she went outside, grabbed a shovel and started digging.

My anger & fits are like turbulent waters. They drown me. I need to learn to channel these emotions into something productive instead of destructive. I need to use the lifejacket that was thrown to me this morning. What does that mean? I don't have to give in to my anger & throw a fit: in my case that means driving down to the local 7eleven and buying a "go-go taco cheese", a bag of cheetos and 3 honeybuns! I can redirect my anger into something positive. Is it going to be easy? Nah, but I am able. (approximately 1,000 calories today, no gym-off day)

10 Pounds

Well it's happened. I have officially lost 10 pounds! As I was preparing dinner tonight, my daughter asked me, "Mom, how much weight have you lost?" I answered, "Just ten pounds." She replied, "Just ten pounds! Mom that's great...that's 10 pounds in one month!" To keep the record straight, it's been one month & 4 days! It feels longer because of all the work that has been involved. I mean, shouldn't I know by now how many calories are in an apple or a banana? Or how many grams make an ounce? (I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I'm not a very patient person. I can be patient, I have the potential to be patient...but it's not a word my family would use to describe me). Now I know it doesn't really matter how many calories are in foods like that unless I'm eating buckets full of them, on the other hand I Want To Know! (One more thing on "patience": I tend to show patience towards others a lot easier than to myself. And sometimes I have to stop in the middle of a situation & remind myself to be patient...I suppose whatever works!).

40 minutes at the gym this morning. Approximately 1,480 calories for the day. Onward to another 10 pounds.

Lazy Sunday

Today was a lazy Sunday. Stayed up waaaay too late last night working on this website. I made some big mistakes & had to have my son fix everything! I won't call it a waste of time. I was brave. I ventured in the unfamiliar world of html & url's and in the process of making uneducated choices, learned quite a bit. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like my eating habits! I have made mistakes, but I'm learning. I'm learning I don't have to pile my plate with food. I'm learning that a small snack IS sufficient. I'm learning to distinguish between hunger and thirst. I'm learning to stay focused.

Calamari..why in the world am I eating deep fried calamari! Because Calamari happens.  My husband took me & the kids to Lou Malnati's; one of the best places to a grab pizza... so good. We ordered a medium thin crust pepperoni pizza, calamari   and spinach bread.  Lord have mercy!  I had some of everything...did not over eat.  Stuck to a normal portion size.  Alex took a few pictures of me and I wanted to post them, but, I can't.  Do you know what it feels like to think you look a certain way and then you see a picture of what you really do look like?.... surprise!-and not necessarily a good one!    Definitely hitting the gym tomorrow morning. I'm going to shoot for an hour workout

TIME

Today I was motivated.  Definitely better than yesterday. Why the change?  Last night I stayed up  reading weight loss success stories.  The stories that caught my eye were of women who pushed through everyday problems to reach their goal of weight loss. 

I searched the internet & read stories until my eyelids could not stay open any longer.  And as I put the laptop away and turned off the lights, two words kept popping up in my head: time & consistent.  Through the ups and downs, these women remained consistent.  They didn't give up because of a bad day or a bad week.  If they fell off the wagon & into a bucket of deep friend chicken, they pulled themselves up, brushed the crumbs off and got back on.  These women  also understood the time factor.  You don't build a powerful, able to withstand winds of 100 mph, high rise building in a week.  Same thing for these women, and for me.  I am building something to last  the rest of my life.... and that takes time. 

Here are two  favorite pieces of advice I read last night: "For long term results, you need to make long term changes" and "You can't rush weight loss.  If you want a permanent change, plan your diet realistically." 

 

PUSH

Today was a god-awful day.  I just tallied up my calories and I did 1,620.  That's not the awful part.  The awful part is what those calories consisted of.  Cheetos for breakfast!  A childs happy meal of nuggets & fries!  And although it's called a happy meal, it did not make me happy. 

I have never considered myself an emotional eater.  Never.  In fact, I have always  taken a secret pride  that I was not part of  "that" group.  "That" group is a bunch of  weak willed women,  lazy women who need a crutch; who don't have any friends and if they are married, have a rotten marriage.  "That" group: women  who can't control their emotions & are lonely.  Well  roll out the welcome mat and say hello to Lucy: "Hi, my name is Lucy & I'm an Emotional Eater".

I eat when I'm angry.  I throw a fit when I'm angry and this morning I was angry. What was I angry at?  Angry at the pace with this weight loss.  Angry that I can't eat what I want and not gain weight.  Angry that I have to work at this.  Angry because I got discouraged and I didn't want to be discouraged.  Angry because of the battle.  Angry because the scale doesn't say 120 pounds! 

I needed help, some motivation.  I went to the bookstore.  I skimmed through a few exercise books & a few recipe books: just trying to get myself going because this I know-Going back is NOT an option.  It's not.  I have to do this. I have to push myself forward...one foot in front of the other.  It's what I've learned to do in tough situations. Sometimes you have to push yourself forward because no one else can.  They can encourage you, they can stand by & cheer for you, but they can't run the race for you....so push.

P.S.  I picked up my husband from the train station in my fighting gear: workout clothes & sneakers.  I had him drop me off at the gym (even though today is an "off" day).  30 minutes: 10 cardio, 20 weights.  Push.

Put the Fork Down

It's been a month.  For one whole month I have done this.  I thought I would feel, I don't know, like I knew what I was doing, yet it feels like I just started!  Someone recently told me once I hit the 10 lb mark things would get easier.  Because I've passed the 10 lb mark so many times in my life, I think  it's going to take passing the 15 or 25 lb mark for things to feel really different.  I've read that it takes at least 30 days to break a habit.  I beg to differ.  How can a habit that has plagued your life for over 25 years be broken in 30 days...I mean c'mon, can we be real.  Now, I DO believe in deliverance, absolutely.  God definitely can deliver, but we still have to put the fork down!

 

40 minutes at the gym this morning, 4 miles on the bike-yahoo!  1,200 calories.  I'm o.k.

DARN THESE TASTE BUDS TO HECK!

What is going on today!  I want to eat everything...doughnuts, pizza, chips, cupcakes, tacos, twinkies, ...everything!  I want crunchy & salty.  It's not my tummy that is hungry.  It's my taste buds, they want flavor and  lot's of it.  Darn these taste buds to heck!  You will not win!

I think I may have spoken too soon: I just now added 130 calories (2 oreo cookies) to my day's total of 600 or so...and now I just added another 165 with 1/2 an ice cream sandwich & 1/2 serving of pistachios.  O.k., that's enough taste buds, let's call a truce; I'm taking a nap. 

Well it's now nightime and I have to say I am looking forward to the gym tomorrow morning.   All in all, 1,415 calories.  I'm o.k.

I BELIEVE

Just want to say thank you to anyone who takes time out of their busy lives to read about my journey.  It's really a miracle that I have survived this long!  Before I started this blog, this new way of eating, o.k. this DIET... I had talked to my husband about joining one of those weight loss programs that you pay a couple hundred dollars a month for.  He told me he'd support whatever I wanted to do.  I did some research and looked at the programs & thought, I can do that!  I've been on so many diets, I don't need to pay someone to tell me what I already know!  I am able.  And for the first time in a very long time, I believed.  (Please don't get me wrong.  Sometimes a person really does need the help these programs can offer and I think it's very brave to walk through those doors).

I have to say I like my life, I like who I am, where I'm at and where I'm going.  I couldn't say that 3 months ago.  It's been a tough and difficult road these past 4 years.  Very dark, very trying.  But by the love & the grace of God, I am able.  I have a hope that surpasses what the human eye can see....I believe.   I'm getting mushy now; once again, Thank You & goodnight.

My New

So I went to TJ Max today and bought three new types of seasonings: a hibachi Japanese steak & bbq sauce with sake,  an olive oil spray (no cals),  and a vegetable spice blend (which I'll use tomorrow on some potatoes...mmmm).  I'm also working on a low calorie, low sugar  ice slushi  using a light margarita mix.  Trying to make a dish or  meal low calorie is what I do to keep myself busy.  All the diet books will tell you to find a hobby or try something new like hiking or tennis. This is my new:  finding ways to satisfy my hunger in a more healthy manner.  I've cut down the use of fat, butter, whole milk, white bread, and red meat.  Since I like being creative this is the perfect  challenge.  Listen to me talking as if my fight is finished and I'm at my "ideal" weight.  Not!  I haven't even crossed the 10 lb mark. Alex took a couple photos of me last night and I will NOT be posting them any time soon!

The Mightly Apple

Today I learned an apple has pectin.  Pectin combats cholesterol.  5 ounces of apple (med size) contains 3 grams of fiber and around 70 calories.  While I was reading about the apple, I read this from one lady, "I'm a former anorexic and if you're so concerned about the calories in an apple you have much bigger problems then your weight."  Part of me agrees. I hate when folks are on a "diet" and  you ask if they'd like a bite of this or that  and they freak out.  They react as if you've asked them to take a dose of acid or shoot heroin.  It's a good example of how I don't want to react. My daughter tends to ask me to taste this or that (she loves to cook & bake) and I know it would hurt her feelings if I threw my hands up in horror every time she asked me to taste something.  Seriously, if  one bite is going to throw me off - I do have bigger problems.  On the other hand, taking that one bite for some folks is the same as one drink is to an alcoholic: the kiss of death.  And it's great when you have friends, relatives, etc. who understand  and are not  judgemental.


Thirty-five minutes at the gym this morning.  Alex made some kick a** ribs this afternoon.  How many calories, I'm not sure but I didn't over eat & that is a victory!  We ate around 3 hours ago and I'm hungry again.  To be totally honest I don't want more ribs (& they are finger lick'in good).  What I really want is Better than Butter Peanut Butter with a few slices of banana on top of a muffin.  Isn't it nice when you see change happening!

Bad Habit

I have a bad habit.   I buy clothes that don't fit me.  There are 2 bad things about this: number one, I waste money. Number two, out of 50 articles of clothing I've bought this way, I can count on one hand how many of them I actually ended up being able to zip, button or pull on to wear.   Well, I did it again.  I bought this dark purple button up shirt, but this time I bought it as my "goal".  I'd been thinking; what is my goal?  I mean, health wise I know what it is and emotionally I know what it is but "size"....I have no specific.  So, here it is: I want to be able to button on this shirt without using safety pins!  I have to confess, I already have a blouse hanging in my closet that doesn't fit: I bought it 3 weeks ago when I first started!  Like I said, it's a habit.  And since we're on the subject of confessions.... 


I went to the Bear's game yesterday with my husband and blew it!  1/2 a hamburger, 1/2 a lg order of fries & a chili cheese dog.  AND, a twix candy bar along with a lg handful of cheetos.  To top it off, no gym this morning because I overslept. But, it's all o.k.  You can't escape chili cheese dogs forever, or any other sinfully, delicious morsel of cake, doughnuts (a regular glaze has only 280, if you must indulge!), or yes, even brownies! 


p.s. For the first time in about a year, I wore the above pair of pants without any signs of "muffin top"   Boo-Ya!